By: Chibuzor F. Ogamba
Many of us, including me, met the world in a ‘state of sex’, where the ultimate pleasure of human relations is in sex, the ultimate purpose of friendship is sex, the very end of a meeting between two people is sex, the way to hang out and have fun is sex, the best thing to sing about is sex, the very distinction between a man and a woman is with regard to sexual experience. You probably clicked to view this particular post because of the word ‘sex’. The time is upon the world when the totality of the human person is viewed and is defined by what he or she can do in sex. You are either ‘straight’ or ‘gay’ or ‘lesbian’ or ‘Bisexual’ or ‘Transgender’ or ‘Bestial’. The whole world has been so fixed on the sexual experience, that it has applied all its many other errors to this particular experience.
Why then do we get surprised when we start hearing about sex between men or between women when sex between a man and a woman has become so old-fashioned because it has been used up and all its peculiarities have been explored to the ‘fullest’? Why do we get agitated when some of us decide to choose who to enjoy the experience with? Why do we seem disgusted when we hear that a man or a woman does not prefer a sexual experience with the opposite sex, is not interested in being involved with the same sex either, but is more interested in lower animals, I mean, that has not been largely tried. Or should you think it out of trend that others having run out of trying the above options from a one-sided perspective are jumping at the idea and embracing the opportunity to try it from another? Even as we speak, I am sure many frustrated citizens of our world have put on their thinking caps for newer sexual experiences.
In fact, it is now an abnormality to not have had sex. People are frowned as ‘sad’ and ‘unfortunate’ even in adolescent age if they have not had a sexual encounter. ‘When and what was your first sexual experience’ is a question the celebrant is asked on his ‘birthday’. It is so bad that even in some ‘Christian’ circles, it is deemed impossible for a man to live his life without having sex. To an extent, why shouldn’t this be believed when the sexual perversion is so rampant that it has permeated every single institution? But it really gets worse and is something to be pondered upon when the institution that is meant to give a ‘Divine’ answer to the true meaning and purpose of life itself and offer ‘salvation’ to citizens of the world who have lost their way are now viewing the world through ‘carnal human’ lenses. As a Catholic I have heard my fellow Christians who are non-catholics look at the vow of celibacy with suspicion at the very least and most times outright attack, not ‘believing’ that this is possible even with Grace.
I believe, just as many do, that we human beings were created to love. And so therein lies our ultimate fulfillment, our ultimate happiness and our ultimate purpose in life, but how can we reach that ultimate fulfillment and be happy when even the very concept of love has been deleted and sex is fast replacing it? It is now so bad that many people now equate love with sex; that I love someone now translates to having sex with the person. The reason why this has been dangerous is clearly seen in the LGBT saga which we are all aware of. First, I believe strongly that Love is something that can be experienced by all people and amongst all people, and between two people irrespective of their gender, and this love is something that ultimately resides in the will; the fact that I will to do or not do things about a person determines my love for him, this love on the other hand is accompanied by emotions and feelings and passions which appropriate themselves normally to suit the gender of the person loved. This appropriation now determines the expression of that love to this particular person, and sex is one of the expressions of love for the purpose of creative fruit, another human person and so is appropriate for the opposite sex in marriage. Even Aristotle in his Nicomachean Ethics believed true friendship based on love consists and is felt in ‘being with’ the other, loving the other for the other’s sake and not for some pleasure we can get from him or her. In this scenario, sex before marriage and all other illicit sexual experiences fall outside the shores of love and so they are not attuned to happiness and fulfillment of purpose. This, however is the path most have taken and they are not aware that they are missing the mark.
We are not all perfect so I admit that many of us have intrinsic changes in this normal process of love and that is why we have people with same sex attractions and other ‘disordered’ attractions. But having seen that following this trend has a tendency to take us far away from love and land us into pleasure-seeking lustful individuals, the solution would be to retrace the steps backwards to find the place of true, pure and purposeful love; first by correcting the expression; realizing that sex is not always the appropriate expression of love(if there is love) and is not at all good if there isn’t because it becomes a fruit of lust, and channel emotions and passions to other expressions that would be within the shores of true love which is not harmful. This is entirely my opinion, but however many things hinder this process, the sexual perversion of our age makes a little boy who discovers he has same sex attractions or he has feelings for his male friend think that the ultimate culmination of that experience has got to be sexual, and because the sexual activity has been equated to the identity of the human person he will think that he IS ‘gay’, or ‘lesbian’ for a girl, the sex will destroy the relationship between these two friends and leave them pleasure-seeking lustful individuals who would go around scavenging for the next avenue to enjoy the pleasure that comes from the sexual encounter, because after all, pleasure is indeed addictive.
Finally, if Love is the true purpose of life, and so when there is love there is life, then it follows that when this love is thrown away, life is thrown away as well, as sex replaces love, then the fruit of a love-driven sexual encounter which is a new human person loses its value and will be destroyed since it poses a hindrance to lust and the constant search for the sexual pleasure. It all makes sense now why Abortion is continuously clamored for in recent times. As all moral and artificial barricades to pleasure-seeking lustful encounters have been pulled down, what remains therefore is that natural hindrance that is a fruit of love, and so tearing that one down would be the best option as well. Very blindly, we are indeed eliminating our very selves.
How long will it take us to see that this lens through which we view the purpose of our existence is essentially the wrong lens and that we are completely missing the mark? Don’t we realize that though all these multiply pleasure, they do not engender happiness in us? This is the reason why we have many occasions of pleasure but not only are we left without happiness, we become increasingly sad. Many people who enter this cascade of sex with hearts full of love come out with hearts rent, and decide that they would not go through the hurt again, they decide that love is dead and chase after sex thereby hurting others and still not derive happiness for themselves. The more we throw away love from the picture and replace it with sex, the more we think pleasure equates to happiness, the more we keep experimenting with various avenues for pleasure, then the more sad we will become.